Chocolate, Cards and Dirty Magazines
by Ezri Dax
Summary: Sam smirked and met the SpecTRe's challenging gaze with one of her own. "Ready to lose to a lower ranking Officer, Commander?" (Traynor/FemShep) Fluffy/humorous oneshot.


**Poker Night**

**Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish it were true, I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. They are Bioware's in every way, I just take 'em out to play :3**

**(Samantha Traynor/FemShep Romance) Feel free to give me critisism, I want improve every way I can. But you know... Compliments are nice too..**

"Hey Vega. Poker night. You in?" Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams strode through the shuttle bay towards where James Vega was polishing his Eviserator X shotgun, a present from the Commander herself. It was his favourite gun. The power that thing had, combined with with his incendiary ammo could rip a cannibal in half, and its ability to tear through armour was fantastic. With it he could at the very least slow down a brute. It was his baby.

"Strip poker?" He couldn't hide his interest in the question no matter how hard he tried, which wasn't much. There were a lot of hot people on the Normandy, like Liara, Samantha Traynor, Ashley... Oh wait shit. He carefully put down his weapon and turned to face the Lieutenant Commander, wiping his hands of grease on a towel. Smirking Ashley crossed her arms and rolled back onto one hip.

"Not this time Vega"

"Damn" He cupped a hand to his mouth over to where Steve Cortez was repairing the Kodiak shuttle. "Guess I'm stuck with _Estaban_ here being the only one to appreciate my guns!"

"You know it Mr Vega" Came the reply. James grinned but turned his attention back to Ashley.

"So, who's playing?" Uncrossing her arms she rubbed her nose with her thumb and briefly flicked her fingers up, mouthing names as she went.

"I don't know the full numbers yet. I still have to go get a reply from Garrus, and Liara isn't sure yet. She's apparently just got a buttload of Intel coming in over her screens so who knows when she'll be free. So I think we only got Me, Shepard and Tali-" James stiffened slightly at the mention of the Commander's name but relaxed before the brunette could notice. He'd get over what happened. "-For definite. Like I said, just need to go get answers from Garrus and Liara." James nodded and made as if he was considering it, although his mind was already made up. When didn't he want to play poker? Especially with all the beautiful women playing. James grinned inwardly but allowed a crooked smile to play on his lips. Last time he'd played, he'd completely crushed the Blue Suns leader Darner Vosque. That had been a good day. He rolled his massive shoulders and cracked his neck; he was going to ace this game.

"Sounds good. When's the party?

"Jeesh, do you have to do that every time you're about to do something? It's sick."

"Aww, are you squeamish?" Ashley raised a hand and flipped him off but smiled in spite of herself. "Shut it Vega, and anyway, it's going to be after the next mission sometime. I don't know when exactly." She paused and concentrated for a moment as a thought crossed her mind but quickly dismissed it and nodded her confirmation. "I'll flash you a message when we're all done." He crossed his arms and cocked his head with a grin.

"Can't you flash me something else?" He said as he confidently racked his eyes up and down her body before settling on her chest. Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes. There just wasn't helping some. She folded her arms over her chest again and tried her best to hide her amusement with a mask of disapproval.

"Eyes up Vega. Don't make me pull rank on you"

"Ah c'mon Buffy, you don't mean that."

She raised an eyebrow. "Buffy?"

"Uh... well yeah, you know, Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Some vid series like 100 years ago. She was totally kick ass. Hot too. " He grinned and shrugged. "But Ashley is a good name too"

"Damn right it is"

"But mine's better"

"Lieutenant"

"Heh, Sorry"

"There ya go." She shook her head smiling, her eyes crinkling slightly at the edges. "Anyways, that wasn't the real reason I came down. Where's my rifle? I wanna upgrade the mods."

"Right on the bench, next to Shepard's Paladin, lucky SoB. I want that thing" He gestured the place with a flick of his jaw.

"James! What the hell. These should have all been cleaned by now! What the hell were you doing for the last two hours?"

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey whoa, I was cleaning my weapon; my baby got a lota husk all over it last time"

"That does not take two hours James"

"I was, uh, cleaning my other weapon"

She raised her eye brow again. "You didn't use your rifle in the last mission" James crossed his armed and just grinned.

* * *

Shepard sighed and racked a hand through her drying, blonde hair. It had been a long tiring day and she'd rolled her ankle accidently just as she was stepping back onto the shuttle.

Ask her to smash her way through the enemy line against the odds, sure no problem. Ask her to walk up some stairs without tripping, nope. Not gunna happen.

Her shower had really helped as it always did. The pressurised water had worked its magic against her tired, tense muscles, washing the stress right off just like the dried blood and gore did from the battlefield. At least this time she wasn't too injured, no serious injuries.

She sighed and rubbed her face. The day wasn't over yet. If you could even call it a day, it's hard to know when its day or night aboard a ship.

She sighed again and got up from her bed as she remembered all the things she still had to do. She was still getting political bullshit from the Salarian Dalatrass about the Krogan Genophage and Councillor Tevos was dragging her heels into helping the war at all. Combine that with the Batarian shitstorm, the constant cries for help and the general Reaper problem, and well...

"Fuck it"

Exhaling harshly, she strode towards the elevator and jabbed at the button for the Crew Deck. Chocolate would make it all better, it always does. Her stomach rumbled and she frowned. When was the last time she had eaten?

A crease set between her brow, adding another stress line to her forehead as she tried to remember. It was definitely before the mission and it had to be before then she was reading the reports on Palavon as she hadn't left her cabin. Was it around the time she'd caught James in the Sub deck? She shook her head and smiled at the memory, his expression was _priceless_. Who knew he liked Fornax.

Her stomach growled loudly again, this time with more vigour. _I should eat at soon..._

Her stomach furiously protested in response causing Shepard to cringe. _Correction, I should eat now._

Exchanging greetings with Chakwas rather hurriedly, Shepard darted past the bizarrely empty Mess towards the kitchen. Her stomach thundered again and she briefly wondered if Chakwas could hear it before deciding she didn't particularly care either way.

_Holy Crap, how did I go what, 5 hours without eating and not notice?_

Tearing into the cupboards she shoved aside all the raw ingredients for the snack based provisions.

_Food. Food. Food. Wait, what crap is this? Man, Cortez needs to requisition better supplies... What the fuck is Quosat? Who would buy that shi- YES! Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Why isn't everything chocolate?_

Ripping into the wrapper of a large 6 by 12 square slab of Earthen chocolate, Shepard shoved it into her mouth. She tore off chunks at a time and swallowed them before they were properly chewed and then renewed her assault on the chocolate bar once again.

Quickly stuffing the rest of the mangled bar into her mouth, the blonde began to scoop up other assorted sugar filled treats into her arms and finally managed to stand up laden with her loot.

"Hey Commander"

"Huh?-ghh!" The Commander whipped round only to lurch forward as her ankle twisted again, sending a fiery pulse of pain up her leg. Almost immediately the usually agile and ruthless SpecTRe dropped the pile of snacks and grabbed her ankle in a childish appeal to make the pain go away.

_Son of a-_

"I'm so sorry!" The British pronunciation gave away the guilty party. Communications Specialist Samantha Traynor, stood a few feet away with a hand over her mouth with a mixed expression of mortification and laughter.

The adorable image made the blonde cough and swallow awkwardly. The chocolate that only moments before had appeased her hunger was now tightly wedged in her throat, threatening to cut off all air supply.

"Shi- fugh. Can- brea" Her attempt at communication just made the Commander choke even more and cough unsuccessfully into her hand.

Shepard clutched the side of the kitchen's island and pounded her chest in an attempt to banish the creamy chunk that was firmly lodged in her gullet. She barely registered Sam's reaction before doubling over in a vain attempt to gasp in some air. Her fist beating upon her chest had done little to remedy the situation and by this point she was sure she was red in the face.

It took several moments before a tanned hand was thumping on her hunched back. Black spots were starting to appear in her vision and although she would die before admitting it, Shepard was starting to panic.

"I'm sorry Shepard, but-"

Tanned lean arms encircled her waist and clasped together for a moment before quickly hefting upwards several times in quick succession. The Heimlich manoeuvre Shepard vaguely thought. _ Clever... _She could feel the chocolate beginning to budge. One more thrust and the chocolate block shot out of her throat and spattered onto the floor and under the fridge.

Sucking in deep breaths the SpecTRe dropped onto one knee to concentrate her energy on giving oxygen to her deprived muscles. Sam dropped down too to keep a concerned hand on her back, in attempt to sooth and comfort the gasping Commander.

"Don't- baby me- Sam" Shepard wheezed. "I'm fine!"

"Not that I wish to rub it in Commander, but I just saved your life" Sam smirked and cheekily added. "Usually the damsels would be kissing my feet in gratitude for my heroic deed by now" She quickly parried a swat from the SpecTRe who gave a half-arsed glare in response. She was still red and panting from the incident but she was for all intents and purposes, fine.

Gazing at the Specialist who had just saved her life, she propped herself against the kitchen counter. "You think I'm a damsel in distress Traynor?"

"I think in this situation the safe answer would be 'no'"

"Good answer"

Sam smiled but there was still a shadow of doubt, of fear that the blonde in front of her was not as fine as she said she was. "Are you sure you're Ok?"

The Commanders face softened slightly, her eyes reflecting a rare show of affection. "I'm fine, Sam. But thanks- for helping me. Choking, I think, is not one of my favourite things to do" Sam just rolled her eyes but looked satisfied with her answer.

"Wait, since when do you know how to do the Heimlich manoeuvre? Have you been holding out on me?"

Sam joined the blonde by the counter and leant back on it too. "Well, since I majored in Communications Tech at university, I had to minor in something too, so I took medical science. I got a good grade I guess but I've never really been good at utilising those skills. Actually, now that I think about it, I think that was one of the few times I'd actually been able to do something right" She paused and grinned. "Which I suppose is a good thing. You know, since I just saved your life."

Shepard dropped her head into her hands and groaned. "You are not going to let this go, are you?"

Sam smirked and shook her head. "The best part is what the headlines would say: Commander Shepard, saved from certain death by her beautiful seductress!"

"Seductress huh?" Shepard pushed herself off of the kitchen counter and quickly trapped the other women with her arms on either side of her waist. She gave Sam a crooked smile that oozed confidence and the brunette shot one straight back at her, even going as far to bring her hands to settle on the SpecTRe's hips.

"Mmm, don't you remember allowing me to use your shower?" They exchanged heated looks and Sam was inwardly pleased when Shepard leaned in close without looking around first. She had a dislike of public displays of affection, but perhaps she was getting over that. "I would have thought you were quite seduced then"

"How could I forget? That was the best night I've had in a long time." Something inside Samantha just melted at Shepard's low and husky tone. Both women's eyes flickered to each other's lips before lightly meeting in a gentle kiss. It was sweet and soft, a nice respite from the pain and chaos of the war.

Breaking apart Shepard smiled and brought a hand up to tuck a lock of silken, brunette hair behind Sam's ear. They didn't get to simply enjoy each other's company that often so they made it a priority to enjoy each other's company whenever they could, even if it was in the Mess hall, albeit an empty Mess hall.

"_Shepard, Lieutenant Commander Williams is expecting you in the game room_." EDI's synthesised voice rang out, breaking the romantic moment between the two women. Shepard sighed but thanked the AI before reluctantly backing away from the Specialist. She'd forgotten she was meant to be playing cards later.

Sam was also disappointed but gave her an understanding, warm smile. _"_Go on, you're needed." She took the blonde's hand and squeezed it reassuringly before letting go. She could see the constant need for the Commander to do things was wearing on her. Even if it was only playing cards. The Commander didn't get much time to herself. "And since I'm being the heroine today, I'll even clear up your mess." She looked pointedly at the clutter of sugary foods cluttered around their feet and frowned. "My word Shepard, were you trying to turn obese with all this chocolate?"

"I'm a biotic! I need to keep my energy up, plus I haven't eaten in at least five hours. So, don't worry about the mess" Shepard shot her a grin and gazed intensely at the brunette. "And I'm sure I can find some way to repay you for your kindness."

"If you pay me in chocolate, I will hit you."

"That is no way to speak to your Superior Officer"

"Like you can't take it. You big baby."

Shepard pouted but hunkered down to pick up her dropped chocolate and put them on the counter. "But I don't want to go play cards with Ashley; I wanna spend time with you!" She harrumphed exaggeratingly and even stomped her foot for effect. But a second later, before Sam could reply, her face jerked into a grin. "Play with me!"

Sam composed her best deadpan expression. "As much as I love playing with you, I'm not getting naked in the middle of the mess hall."

"We can quite easily get naked in my shower again."

Sam chuckled in amusement at the blonde's bluntness. "I have a few hours free, but I'm not invited to your poker game. I was under the impression it was a squad thing..?"

The SpecTRe crossed her arms and gave Sam her most authoritive glare. "Specialist, do I have to order you to play cards with me? Because I can and I will.

Sam rolled her eyes and smiled but came to attention and gave her Commander a smart salute. "Yes ma'am"

* * *

Ashley threw down her cards and grumpily stole a piece of chocolate from Shepard. "Ok, I can understand Tali being good at poker, but what the hell Traynor? When did you become so good?"

Shepard could not help feeling a bit of pride for Sam, despite her hesitance to join in with the game previously; she was fitting in quite well. She had laughed with Ashley, teased James and even kept up with the mocking banter that was flung around between the veterans. And right now she had just raked in the huge chip pile, but in all honesty Shepard didn't even mind that much. She was having fun and if losing credits meant that she could continue having fun, then so be it.

Sam grinned and started stacking her new chips. Right about now she was the richest in the game, with exception to Tali. The Quarian's talent for numbers had taken her far in the game and had ruthlessly used her advantage of her mask to the full extent. "You all have really obvious tells"

"Mind telling me what mine is? I'm almost out of chips" Garrus tossed in his cards to where James was shuffling them and took a swig of his special Turian brandy. Out of the group he was doing the worst. The Turian had never played poker before and his inexperience was showing. Shepard was faring slightly better but her chip pile was also dwindling. James and Ashley were the middle ground of the game but were constantly striving to stay ahead of the each other. Insults were frequent between them.

"Well-" Sam glanced at Shepard who gave her a small, reassuring smile. "Whenever you have a good hand, your, uh, mandibles twitch slightly."

"Huh" His face plates twitched again, possibly in amusement. Turian expressions were still hard to read. "If we were playing a Turian game, you'd all be on the floor begging for me to give you a chip."

"Oh please Garrus, I'm a Quarian. You don't get to play the 'I'm a different species card'"

"That was a bad pun and you know it, plus you have your mask. We can't see your face."

James dealt out a new hand and put in his blind bid as required by the game. "Reckon we should gang up on Sparks, Scars? Take her down a notch?"

"Nah, I don't think she could handle both my style and your muscle. Let her have her false sense of security, we'll take her down soon enough"

"We're in an enclosed space Vakarian. My shotgun will find you."

"Or... we could just bow down to her regime. We may live longer. Ashley, your turn"

Ashley sighed and threw in her smaller blind bid. Her own hand was not impressive at all; the three and seven would not get her far. They had played poker for a good hour and half already and in that time her chip pile had grown and dwindled in size, but ultimately she had gotten nowhere. And frankly she was hungry. Having to watch Shepard demolish a whole stack of assorted chocolate and sugary foods made her stomach grumble in jealousy. Her only consolidation was when the blonde's head was turned, usually in Traynor's direction, she could steal a piece. Fortunately for her the Commander was frequently distracted by the Comm. Specialist.

The edges of Shepard's mouth curled upwards slightly before she managed to school her expression back down to calm indifference. She couldn't help it; she had two Queens' in her hand, much better than her previous hands. Fortunately the other players were distracted by their own hands to notice her brief lapse in her 'poker face'. "50 creds"

"I see your 50 creds and... I match." Sam met the Commander's eyes with a smile as she pushed forward her chips. The betting continued until it was only Ashley who folded in the first round. James dealt the first three cards onto the table; a Four, Seven and Jack. Shepard clenched her jaw unconsciously. Her prospects of winning were declining; however she did two Queens...

"So Lola, you gunna take me next mission? I wanna dance with the Reapers some more. And there's only so many times you can do it with your Commanding officer" James waggled his eyebrows suggestively but knocked on the table twice to signify his check.

"I don't know James; you seemed pretty busy reading earlier. What was that '_book' _called again?" She air quoted and grinned back evilly. "Check"

"You're just jealous you don't have a copy Lola"

Sam also checked but Tali raised the bounty another 50 creds causing Garrus to curse at her. "Suck it up Vakarian" Came her amused reply.

"You're so mean"

The betting continued until only Shepard, Sam and Tali remained playing. James revealed the fourth card onto the table; the Queen of spades.

In a bout of confidence, Shepard raised the bet 100 creds. _A triple Queen? Hell yes._

Sam raised an eyebrow but matched it, making the pile and impressive total of 585 credits. Tali exasperatedly swore but shook her head and folded.

So then there were two.

This was the highest prize they had ever had in the game; previously they had only played with smaller amounts.

Sam smirked and met the SpecTRe's challenging gaze with one of her own. "Ready to lose to a lower ranking Officer, Commander?"

"Oh hell no. James, deal the last card" He revealed a King.

Shepard met the Specialist's gaze with a smirk. "Care to make a bet, my lady?" She could almost feel those credits in her chit. Despite previously wanting to let Sam win, now it was just one on one and well... Who didn't want to win a jackpot that big?

Sam looked about the table in though, until finally she smiled and met the Commander's gaze and pushed forward her bet without breaking eye contact with the blonde. "200. Care to follow Commander? or-" She leant forward and whispered as if she was telling a secret. "Are you afraid?"

_Fuck._ Shepard looked down at her own chip pile, she only had 135creds left. That meant she had two options; All in or forfeit. If she went all in and lost then she would have nothing left and would have to back out. On the other hand, if she met the raise and won, she would have a huge pile of creds, something that would rival Sam's and possibly even Tali's.

_Fuck it._ Never let it be said that Commander Shepard ever backed down from a challenge.

"All in"

Sam's smile wavered slightly before she tightened her grip on her cards. She had thought the Commander was bluffing before, but now? She had to have a good hand.

"Scared Traynor?" And there it was; that confident crooked smile that always gave her butterflies. Shepard was not playing fair and she knew it. She must have seen Sam's confidence falter.

"C'mon Traynor! Beat the Commander's ass in to the ground!" Came James' encouragement from the end of the table.

"Shut up Fornax!"

"You just hurt my feelings Lola."

She could hear the others questioning James about his new nickname but firmly ignored them. This was much more interesting. "Ready to show?"

Sam looked down at her cards again and nodded. "Yes. But considering I bet first, I think it's your turn to show."

"That an order Specialist?" She replied with a grin, but before the brunette could reply she laid out her hand.

_Triple Queen._

Shepard watched Sam's face like a hawk but still could not tell what she was thinking. Sam's poker face was definitely one of the best. Slowly the Specialist lowered her hand and revealed a Ten and an Ace.

_A straight. A bloody high straight._

She'd lost.

"FUCK!"

"HA!"

Her anguish was met with just as loud cry of elation. Sam laughed in jubilation of her victory and grinned at the congratulating and mocking voices whilst taking in her winnings. She now had a total of 1,235 credits, not bad for a game of poker.

_Shit. _Shepard buried her face in her hands and groaned. She was going to get teased for days on end, she just knew it. It had already started.

But still... Maybe it was worth it. It's not like she actually needed the creds and Sam looked even more beautiful when she was happy.

She corrected herself. It was definitely worth it.


End file.
